Wednesday, December 28, 2011

OBGYN

Today Nic and I accompanied our birth family to their third OBGYN appointment.  It was great to meet the doctor and nurses who work in the office.  They were all really nice and we liked them allot.  I understood right away why our birth mother likes the doctor so much.  He was really friendly and super enthusiastic about meeting us.  Nic had waited in the waiting room and he even went out there and introduced himself to Nic.

The appointment overall went well.  She gained a bit of weight which we were hoping for.  The doctor still thinks the baby is a little bit small.  He said it has been consistently small so he is no overly worried but still would like to do an ultrasound. We scheduled an ultrasound for Tuesday and Nic and I will head back up for that appointment.  The next day they will see the OB again and he will give his impressions.  We unfortunately can't be at that meeting but they will call and let us know how it went.

Overall we had a great day with the birth family.  It is always nice to see them and catch up.  It will be nice to see them again next week.  The birth mother will have weekly OB appointments from now on.  I might continue to go up for them just to see everyone and get a feel for how things are going.  Nic is not sure if he will go or not.  He is definitely going to the ultrasound but he is not sure about going to the OB weekly after that.  I think the OB office made him a bit nervous.  He really did not want to go into the exam room and was noticeably relieved when I told him he didn't have to.  I think the birth grandmother was a bit disappointed because she wanted him to hear the heartbeat.  Luckily I had my blackberry and recorded the heartbeat so I could let him listen later.  He wants to know about how the baby is doing but not have to be physically in the room.  I completely understand!  It would be different if it was me whipping out my naked belly.

So overall everything is progressing nicely and we are slowly getting closer to the birth mom's due date on January 30th.  I have no doubt it will be here before we know it.  For some reason I keep thinking she will go a bit late but I guess you never really know.  We are excited to possibly find out the sex next week. :)

Monday, December 26, 2011

Ministry Paper Work Done!

Happy Boxing Day to everyone! Nic and I hope you all had an amazing Christmas.  We had a wonderful time filled with friends and family.  We still have a few more get togethers that we are looking forward to.

We just wanted to post a quick note to let everyone know our paper work was submitted to the Ministry of Child and Youth Services just before Christmas (23rd) for approval.  Basically the paper work includes all of the birth families information (social and medical histories), our information (homestudy, home inspection), and a write up from every professional involved (licensee, practitioner, counsellor, and hospital social worker) about their feelings on the match.  We also had to sign a few things saying we were okay with the lack of information from the birth father (medical history). 

We are excited to have everything in to the ministry . This essentially means we have no more paper work to worry about until after the baby is born.  YAY!  More than likely we will receive approval from the ministry prior to the baby being born but it may take a few weeks.  They put priority on cases where the baby is already born.  If our birth mother were to go into labour they would speed along the process.

We are going to see the birth family on Wednesday.  It will be nice to see them since it has been a couple weeks.  We have been keeping in touch via email and text, but it is not the same as face to face.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Safety First

In the spring when we did our home inspection Nic and I started looking for some sort of gate to put around the corn stove.  The stove is great in that the only part that is hot is the glass.  Unfortunately it is the glass that seems to draw little people's attention.

I looked forever and could not find something I totally liked.  Luckily one of our customers does iron work as a hobby and offered to make us a custom gate.  He arrived with it today and I could not be happier with it.  Not only is it functional but a true work of art!


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Home Inspection

Josie (our adoption practitioner) came by this morning to have a little meeting with us and check out the house.  Really it was just to make sure that nothing had changed since her last visit in May.  For our ministry approval she had to have been in our home within the last six months.  We were just over that so she needed to make another visit. 

Again we discussed the couple things that we are non-compliant on and how, when the time comes, we will fix the issues.  She agreed there was no reason to put drawer locks on all our kitchen cabinets for a newborn.  We will have to do it when he/she starts to crawl but until then we are okay.

We also discussed her follow up visits once the baby is born.  She has to come see us when the baby is around 7 days old then three more times within the year, just to see how we are doing and if we have any questions.  She documents the visits and then her write up will be submitted when we got to finalize the adoption, when the baby is about a year old. 

The birth family is meeting with their counsellor today to finalize the social and medical history and get their paper work wrapped up.  If all goes well we should have everything ready to be submitted to the ministry for approval by mid-next week, which is great.  It should only take them about a week to approve the paper work and our placement.  Our birth mother is not due until the end of January so we should have lots of time.

Nic and I are planning on going up to visit with the birth family again after Christmas.  The birth mom has a OB appointment on the 28th so we may go that day so I can ask the OB any questions I have.  It will be nice to see them again. 

Next to adoption stuff we are wrapping up our season and getting ready for the Christmas party on Saturday.  I hope everyone is coming so we can celebrate the holidays. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Baby Preparation

My goal on Saturday morning was to drive to Kingston and get ALL of my Christmas shopping completed.  I am happy to say I accomplished my goal and picked up some things for the baby on my travels.




The two rows of undershirts and sleepers on the left I got at Value Village.  I love that place!  The sleepers are basically brand new and cost a fraction of the cost of buying new.  I had gone to the Belleville Value Village earlier in the week but Kingston had way more variety.  I also got a couple baby books from their as well.  They are a little bit older but I figure most of the information will still apply.

I had to take pictures of three of the four sleepers I did give in and buy new.  They are just so cute!!! I know I still need to buy a ton more stuff but I am happy to have a good start before Christmas.  I still have to wash it all and put it away. 

I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the offers of lending everything baby and more! With everything happening so soon and so close to Christmas I really appreciate all the help.  I even had an amazing list emailed to me with everything I would need, including diaper and formula recommendations.  What would I do without you guys!! To quote Nic's grandparents "I am blessed" to have so many amazing people looking out for me!

As for adoption related things to do, we are waiting for our practitioner and licensee to get their paperwork together so we can meet with our practitioner in our home and get everything signed off.  We are also waiting for the birth family to finish up their social history which I know they were going to try to do early this week.  Our birth mother has an OB appointment today which we are excited to hear about.

As much as I would love to have Josie come this week to get the paperwork done it is also a mad house around here with the final full week of work in swing and preparations for the Christmas party on Saturday.  As of Thursday I am pretty much going to have a full house until Sunday so it may have to wait until early next week.  We will see what she says and how quickly the paperwork gets done.  I will keep you all posted.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Hospital Tour and Vision Meeting

Yesterday Nic and I travelled up to New Market to go on the hospital tour with the birth family.  Cheryl (the licensee) had called me late in the day on Wednesday to say she was going to try to get everyone organized so we could do the vision meeting after our tour.  She said since we would be in New Market anyway it might just be best to get it done.

We met at the families house first and had a bit of a talk about openness.  I was glad we did because I felt like it made us all a bit more prepared for the vision meeting.  Although the birth family is still saying they do not want any visits, we have arranged to set up a private website with baby updates that they can visit if they so choose and they have agreed they can contact us directly if they want and we can contact them after the 21 day waiting period is over.  We all agree that we get along too well to just end our relationship after the baby is born.  I think explaining that we would be more like extended family or close friends than the birth mother being a "parent" made them feel a bit more comfortable.

We left their house and had a quick lunch in New Market then drove over to the hospital.  We were a bit late getting their and then got insanely lost.  The hospital is HUGE and we obviously picked the hardest way to go in.   We eventually found the maternity ward only because a guy we met in the elevator was nice enough to help us get there.  We were terribly late but thankfully the social worker at the hospital did not hold it against us.  We went for a great tour.  The hospital is AMAZING!  I have never seen anything like it.  Our birth mother will definitely receive the best care possible as will the baby.  We got everything worked out with the social worker and she told us that if the ward is full and Nic and I can not get a room they will keep the baby in the NICU and we can stay with it there.  Nic unfortunately will not be able to stay the night but there is a bed in there I can use.  We thought this was best since the birth mother does not want the baby in the room with her.  Everyone was really nice and we gathered an amazing amount of information.

After our tour we had a meeting with our licensee, the birth mother's counsellor, the hospital social worker, the director of the maternity clinic, the birth mother, the birth grandmother and Nic and I.  Nic and seven women...  He did VERY well.  I was SO proud of him.  I think allot of men would have wanted to crawl into a corner.  I thank all of my girlfriends and the women in Nic's and my family for preparing him for this moment in life!

At first we discussed the labour and delivery part.  Marci the director of the maternity clinic was amazing and went through everything step by step for us and the birth family.  I learned a TON!  After she left and we started our vision meeting.  We talked all about what would happen in the hospital and right after the hospital.  We also laid out the completed openness agreement.  The birth mother will not have to sign it until she signs all of the official consents after the baby is eight days old but we needed to get it done so it could be submitted to the ministry for approval.  Even though they still are saying they don't want visits Nic and I included that we would be willing to do 4 visits a year in case they change their minds.

Overall the meeting went really well.  It was long and emotional but really great.  I truly feel like we have a great bunch of professionals working with us, who I trust 100%.  They had everything organized and I feel like we are in great hands.  We enjoyed getting to know the birth mother a bit more.  She is really opening up and we had allot of fun with her.  She is a beautiful girl inside and out and we are so happy she chose us!

One more thing done!

Next they need to complete the final copy of the social and medical history and Josie will have to meet with us at our house to sign off on a few things. I also think that Cheryl is going to send us a few more things to sign via email.  Once that is done everything will go into the ministry. At this rate I think we will have no problem getting everything in before Christmas.  Nic and I are hoping to meet with the birth family again just after Christmas and hopefully at least one more time before the baby is born.  The consensus at the meeting was that the birth mother's due date might be a bit early so we figure we will see a baby sometime between January 15th and February 15th.  Because of her age she could go early or late.  Is it possible to hold your breath for an entire month? I guess I will find out ;).

I want to thank everyone for your amazing support and love.  Nic and I are so lucky to have such an amazing group of people around us.  This baby will be so lucky to have all of you.  We know we already are.

xo xo

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christmas Party

I wanted to let everyone know that we are still having our Christmas party.  With everything going on I was a bit late getting the invitations out but hopefully they will start to arrive in your mailboxes soon.  It is Saturday December 17th at the shop.  Hopefully you can all make it.  Sorry for the short notice.

Where to Begin???

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind.  We have had a TON of adoption stuff going on which leaves me kind of stumped as to where to begin and how many details to give.  I apologize a head of time if this post turns into a novel. I will try my best to keep it short.

Nic and I were contacted by another birth mother the evening of November 17th.  Nic was already dead asleep when the phone rang. It was our toll free number and I have to admit I was nervous at first that it was the SK birth mother.  I ran for it anyway and missed the call.  When I got back to bed I tried my best to wake Nic up (me - "THE ADOPTION PHONE RANG! THE ADOPTION PHONE RANG" Nic - ZZZZZZZZ.........).  I had no luck at all.  So I put the phone beside my bed and continued watching Private Practice.  It rang again two minutes later.  I tried to wake Nic up again (me - "THE ADOPTION PHONE IS RINGING! THE ADOPTION PHONE IS RINGING" Nic - ZZZZZzzzzzzz.........).  After staring at it for another second I answered and I guess that is where the story truly begins.

The women on the other end was actually a birth mother's, mother (got that).  I will call her the birth grandmother since that is what she is to the baby.  Her daughter (the birth mother) is very young and she had just found out she was pregnant a few weeks before.  Well I am sure her daughter obviously knew but she had just told her mom.  Her daughter was currently 28 weeks pregnant, due January 30th.

They had been in conversations with another adoptive family but things had not worked out because they did not have their homestudy and PRIDE training complete.  It was going to be very difficult for them to do so prior to the baby being born.  As soon as the birth grandmother found out the baby might have to be put in foster care if all the paper work was not in order she got nervous.  It ended up that the adoptive family also did not have the finances together to facilitate the adoption so they decided they could not get it together to make the adoption work.

The birth family hit the internet again, it sounds a bit bruised emotionally after the first match falling through.  They said they looked at about 60 couples and really liked us.  The birth grandmother is Italian which I think is part of the reason.  They are also a very animal friendly family and really like that we had two dogs.  Especially Jessie because the birth mother grew up with a big black lab.  The birth mother also thought Nic was cute and said that he reminded her of a reality tv star she watches all the time on some home improvement show. So funny :)

I talked with the birth grandmother for over an hour that night and also the birth mother for about 15 or 20 minutes.  She is very shy (and young) so I found it a bit hard to communicate with her over the phone.  But it was still nice to hear her voice and find out how she felt about adoption.  Since I could not wake Nic (I literally kicked him a number of times while I was on the phone and he did not even move, I must be working him too hard) we decided I would call them back the next day around noon so they could talk with both of us.

When I got off the phone I shook Nic like crazy and told him the entire story.  When I was done and finally stopped for a minute he said "Okay I am awake.  What happened?"  At that point I told him to go back to bed and I would talk to him in the morning.  I then proceeded to lay awake all night and listen to him snore.

In the morning he woke me at the crack of dawn and I told him all about what happened.  We called the birth family again that morning and we both had a great chat with the birth grandmother.  I spoke with the birth mother again briefly.  Nic was amazing on the phone.  I felt he expressed some things that coming from me might have come across differently, where he just seemed very genuine and excited.  It was really sweet.  I sometimes forget how charming he can be.  I left it with them that I would be in touch with our adoption practitioner and licensee and that one or both of them might be in touch with her that day.

My day was all over the place because it was my birthday and I had five million plans made with people.  I spent most of the day on the phone trying to work everything out.  Nic and I decided that we wanted to use Cheryl Appell as our licensee versus having Josie act as practitioner and licensee.  We liked Cheryl allot and felt she was wonderful with us during the SK birth mother situation.  She is also closer to where the birth mother lives (New Market) and has a bit more experience dealing with underage mothers.  There are a few more steps and departments involved because of this.  So that day Cheryl talked to the birth family and got some counselling set up.  She had a pretty good initial feeling about them and did not see any red flags. 

The main thing for us was to make sure the birth mother had the counselling she needed and got the social and medical history completed.  We knew that the birth father was out of the picture but next to that nothing else.  The social and medical history would answer any invasive questions we had and make sure there were no red flags.

Overall the meeting with the counsellor went well.  The counsellor (Lynn) felt that the birth mother genuinely like us and wanted us to raise her child.  She seemed like a young girl who just wanted to get back to being a teenager.  We read the partial social and medical history and everything looks good.  We still need to see the completed one but overall there were no red flags so we got the go ahead from Cheryl that we could meet with them in person. 

Last Friday we drove into downtown Toronto and met with Cheryl at her office.  She took us through the step by step process of how the adoption would move forward.  She also had us sign a bunch of consents and give her a retainer cheque.  It was nice to meet her in person.  Both Nic and I liked her allot and feel she will do a great job.  She essentially will act as a neutral party and put together all of the adoption pieces.  Josie will act as our advocate and Lynn (the counsellor) will act as the birth mother's advocate.

We met with the birth family at their house in the afternoon.  I was insanely nervous going there but relaxed almost right away.  They have three dogs which broke the ice a bit.  I think they were worried about the dogs but Nic and I playing with them and insisting our house had two big dogs and we always have extra ones coming in and out.  I think that put them at ease.  Right away we met the birth mother and her identical twin sister.  They are REALLY identical.  I am glad that obviously one was very pregnant or we would have had a hard time telling them apart.  We sat down at the kitchen table with the birth grandmother while the girls got a ton of food ready.  I swear we eat the entire time we were there.

Overall we REALLY like them.  We also met the birth grandmother's fiancee (she split with her husband when the girls were 5) and the girls older brother who is 18.  They are a great family and have a warm, loving home.  We had allot in common with them which I kept being surprised about but I suppose that is why they picked us.  I think four girls was allot for Nic at once. He was relieved when the fiancee got home from work.  They talked a ton and seemed to really get along.

It was a great visit and I feel like we really clicked.  The girls are for sure quiet but very sweet.  If you ask them anything they answer but just don't chime into the conversation very often.  We were all talking a mile a minute which I am sure did not help.  I feel that as we get to know each other they will open up more.

When we were there the social worker called from the hospital where the birth mother will be delivering.  Nic and I had talked to Cheryl about knowing that the birth grandmother wanted to set up a tour of the maternity ward.  Cheryl said that there was a wonderful social worker at the hospital (Southlake) that could help us with that.  So we are heading back up to New Market tomorrow to tour the hospital with them and meet the social worker. 

Nic and I are excited to see them again and to see the hospital.  The birth family is wonderful and when they were at the OBGYN earlier in the week had gotten us a copy of the booklet given out by the hospital.  They had also gathered a bunch of information on new babies from their family doctor and OB.  How nice was that?  I read through the information on the hospital and hope Nic will as well tonight so we can write down any questions we have and ask them tomorrow.

There is still a ton of paper work and meetings that have to happen but overall Nic and I think this adoption is going to proceed.  Not only do we really like the birth family and think they like us but Cheryl and Lynn both think we are a good match and that things should work out.  Everything is a bit surreal since she is due January 30th.  We are just trying to keep everything in perspective and work one step at a time. 

The next big thing is for us to set up a "vision meeting".  In this meeting we discuss with the birth family exactly what will happen at the hospital and lay out a openness agreement for after the baby is born.  Cheryl and Lynn will both attend this meeting as well.  We have discussed allot of this with the family already but it all needs to be on paper and official.  They would like us to be at the hospital for sure.  I think that the birth mother would just like her mom in the delivery room with her.  The birth grandmother seems okay with this but would like us near by encase she needs help (I guess she is not great with blood).  We said we would be there the entire time and could help if the birth mother felt comfortable.  In the hospital the birth mother would like us to care for the baby.  If the hospital has enough room I will be admitted and they will give us our own room.  Worst case the baby will have to say in the birth mother's room and Nic and I will care for him/her there (she does not know what she is having).

As far as openness the family is saying right now that they don't want any.  I know that this will change to at least letters and pictures (at a minimum).  Cheryl says that in the agreement we just acknowledge that they don't want anything now but layout what we are willing to do if they change their mind.  We have talked about letters and pictures and three visits a year.  We also are going to allow them to contact us directly by phone or email, instead of going through a third party.  We think it will more than likely be the birth grandmother who keeps in touch versus the birth mother.

Once we get the vision meeting done Josie needs to come to the house and take a look around again.  She will also have a copy of the completed social and medical history for us to look at and a couple other things to sign.  She then needs to do a write up which will be included with one from Cheryl and Lynn and sent to the ministry for approval.  It sounds like the ministry is usually pretty efficient once you get the paper work in but it can still take a week or two.  We would really like for ministry approval to be granted before the baby is born because if it is not the baby could end up having to be placed in foster care until the approval is granted.  This is something the birth family really does not want and we do not either.

So the short of it is, we are having a baby.... We don't know what sex yet but we still need to pick out names and get ready.  We already talked about some names on Friday with the birth family and think we have a couple for a girl but none for a boy yet.  We are including them in choosing a name because we would love to pick one we both like.  If we can't decided on one then the birth mother will name the baby her name of choice on the first birth certificate and when we are issued ours we will put our name on it and use her name as a middle name.  We would like the baby to keep that connection to the birth family.

I will try my best to post an update later in the week about how tomorrow goes.  We are both really excited to see them again and to check out the hospital. :)